The Luddite’s Prayer
Lord, my soul is ravaged this night;
I’m a hopeless Luddite, that is my plight;
I beg you Lord, I don’t wish to cry,
But the cyber world has passed me by.
I’ve searched high and low, I can’t find the cloud,
Lost passwords make me scream out loud;
I engage the computer cautiously,
Routers and modems blink at me.
The TV remote, such a wondrous tool,
Designed by a genius to vex a fool;
I struggle to master its button domain,
My wife, bless her soul, thinks I’m going insane.
Technology challenges never let up,
You open the box and see “system set up.”
What shall I do with my analog phone?
Am I stranded in time to face progress alone?
Am I losing my grip with the human race?
Does Facebook really have a face?
Give me this day a techo-vacation,
That I might indulge in conversation;
A respite from those who crane their necks
Sending and receiving innocuous texts.
Plunging into the abyss of the cyber world,
My eyes water, my toes they curl;
Trying to find a telephone number
Is like searching the desert for a stack of lumber.
“Navigate the website for the forms you’ll need;”
You browse and surf ‘til your fingers bleed.
There’s a field that’s missing,
There’s an entry wrong,
Dear Lord, where’s a person to help me along?
I don’t want updates, apps or RAM,
Can’t you see, Lord, I’m a simple man.
Perhaps I’m a hopeless chump;
Bailing a boat, I prefer can to pump.
I know this dilemma is mine to solve,
Of course the world must advance and evolve.
But please Lord, wherever you are,
Don’t make me drive a driverless car.
And when my tribulation’s done,
And my war with technology is lost, or won;
Seat me at a desk in a book-filled den,
With a piece of paper and a ballpoint pen.
Frank E. Baker
Frank E. Baker is a freelance writer who lives in Eagle River with his wife Rebekah, a retired Birchwood ABC school teacher. To reach Frank, email: email@example.com